I always feel that the relationship between mankind is very delicate. Mankind is destined to cling to each other throughout our whole life and find the satisfactory from our relationship with each other. However, the closer we are to each other, the more often we would experience the conflict that turns our relationship unpleasant to both parties. Anger is always the fuse that touches off the war.
There was an email I read before that is still vivid in my mind, which was about the delicacy of human relationship. It questioned why people tend to speak louder or shout to each other when quarreling. While the answer given made me stunned and prostrated. The reason is that our hearts are getting far apart from each other during the moment when we quarrel with each other, thus we hardly can listen to each other.
We can find that most of the time when we get angry, the person who is close to us especially our family will be the victims that we usually give vent to. I have two close friends who are twin brothers. We always have a wrong perception that twins are close to each other. However, this stereotype has to be changed now. These two brothers are physically close in their life. They are studying in the same university, taking the same course, having the same interests. But somehow they are far away from each other spiritually. Maybe due to some unknown psycho reasons, they tend to compare with each other in many aspects. They are also sensitive to each other’s way of speaking and behaving. Moreover, both parties could be easily got hurt or provoked by each other for even a very trivial thing. Every now and then one of them will confide to me about their relationship problems, which I don’t know how to advice other than asking them to tolerate and understand each other. One of the twins seems aware of and very concern about this conflict, whereas another one seems much more passive in this situation. I can see that the latter one tends to avoid talking about this problem. Neither of them wants to bow and gives way in this situation. To some extend, I feel that I am in the position to do something in order to break the ice between them. However, I am lacking the communication skills as a third party to bring reconciliation between them. Nevertheless, I am contradicting myself by believing that no relationship is so entangled that nothing can bring its reconciliation, provided that they are willing to hold back a bit and be humble to each other.
In my personal point of view, forgiveness is one of the best remedy to cure broken relationship or reconcile a quarrel. But my friends always laugh at me saying that it’s not as easy as what I expect. Anyway, I have tried and it works. Apart from that, we must accept the fact that we are made different from each other in many aspects from cultural background to perceptions to things. So it’s nothing more regrettable than not appreciating people (who care for us) in our life. Truly hope that the two twin brothers will reconcile and start to appreciate each other in the future.
Post #7 - Final Reflection
16 years ago
It's sad about the twins as I expect despite their diferences they do love each other. I don't know how well you know the twins but perhaps you could unite them as sometimes very simple things can solve seemingly entrenched problems.
ReplyDeleteFor example, when we were young my older sister and I constantly argued until one day she told me that she wanted us to be proper sisters and good friends. From that time until now, we very rarely argue and if we do, the issue is quickly resolved.
Mrs Richardson
Hi Hsuen Huay , it is really sad to read this story.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that "forgiveness is one of the best remedy ". However, it is really easier said than done.
Either one of them will have to start talking to another. There is definitely some misunderstand between them .
As a friend , I believe you can try motivating them to speak to each other. However , I will not recommend you to be the 'middle' person in their reconciliation.
It must be tough to be between them. I too hold the perception that twins should be very close to each other. However, after reading your post, I suppose being too similar to each other might have ignited a competitive streak to try to outdo each other as twins attempt to differentiate themselves.
ReplyDeleteHence it may not be actually the action or event that trigger disharmony between them. The need to differentiate and outdo each other may be the actual underlying cause. I agree with you that urging tolerance and understanding is very important.
Perhaps a better way would be for them to should sit down and try to tease out the real reason for their unhappiness with each other. I feel that for two persons to be at loggerheads for so long, there has to be an underlying reason. Since both of them are refusing to give in to the other, I do not think they would engage each other on their own. If you feel adventurous, but at the same time are sure that you will not lose their friendship, you can try to arrange for them to talk. If you do try this, it would be good to treat them as individuals and not as twins and portray the talk as a solution to the problem, not an apologizing session. Alternatively, you can try to convince the one who is more concerned about the problem to initiate the talk.
Hi, Hsuen Huey
ReplyDeleteI think that both of them are jealous to each other especially the one who avoid talking about this problem. This happened to me as well when I was young even though I and my youngest sister are not twins. Because of the closer age, we tended to compare and tried to “win” each other. However, I think we destroyed our relationship instead of winning anything.
Perhaps you can try to talk to them about this problem individually and know their views about each other first. After identify their true feeling, you can try to persuade the one who very concern about the conflict to take the initiative to have a conversation among them. If one of the twins is willing to show his grace to his brother, I believe that his brother would understand him one day.
Thank you all for your advices. Honestly, I could also feel some sense of competition between them in terms of studies and their eagerness for recognition in their common friend group. Just like what Pinxuan has mentioned, I know that forgiveness is easier to be said than done however it's the best way. But there are also other factors which obstruct them from having a proper chat into this matter. One of the factors is their closeness (as brothers and family) makes them to have egoism to say sorry to each other. As guys, maybe there would be more pride. Am I right? Even myself, sometimes I also feel that I couldn't stay humble enough to say sorry to my siblings however I found that I was wrong. It's true, I shouldn't be the middle person in their reconciliation as i think things may get worse. What I can do is according to what Jackson mentioned here - asking one of the twins who is more concern for this issue to initiate the talk. And also pray for them...
ReplyDelete