Recently I am troubled by a conflict with a very good friend of mine, MY. We enjoy sharing with each other during the times when we need a listener.
Around two years ago, he fell for a girl, SH, but SH had rejected him. Although feeling hurt, he still continuously treats her as a very good friend. However, it was obvious that his concern for this girl was more than that towards a good friend. His close friends have noticed this and have reminded him not to immerse too deeply into this “relationship” as they are afraid that he would get hurt again.
Nevertheless he always assures us that he has no feeling to this girl anymore. But somehow we still can observe “something odd” from his way of treating this girl.
However, a couple of weeks ago, I heard some rumors about my friend, MY. Obviously SH was spreading to some friends about the matter that MY likes her. I do not know what is her intention of doing so. What comes into my mind at the moment is that I want to protect my friend from being hurt again.
After hesitating for a while, I decided to tell MY about the rumors that I heard and hope that he could keep a distance from SH if he really does not like her. I did not comment much about this girl since I do not know much about her. I thought my well-meaning advice would be understood and appreciated. But unexpectedly MY reacted quite aggressively after I talked to him. He sent several long SMS to me saying that I have wrongly blamed this girl all these while. I don’t understand why he reacted so aggressively at the moment. I don’t think it’s appropriate to continue arguing with him over this matter. Thus I just briefly replied him, telling him that I don’t want to comment anything about this girl and what I wish is to say something which is concern about him.
Unfortunately, a couple of days ago, MY had chosen to tell the girl about what I have said. This caused a stir among us and the misunderstanding getting even worse. I don’t understand why MY has the need to do that. I feel that I was given away by a friend whom I trust and concern so much. I am confused now. I am not sure whether have I done wrongly by telling him that matter at the first place? Can anyone tell me what I should do now?
Post #7 - Final Reflection
16 years ago
I have also experienced such things before. This may not be the best way out, however this is only my five cents worth of thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAs much as I will want to protect my friend, I have decided not not comment much regarding boy-girl-relationship problem. Relationship issues are very sensitive. I will only comment once on the issue, then after I will not bring up the issue again unless my friend do so.
I feel that the fact that the guy reacted aggressively shows that he probably still has some good feelings for the girl despite him telling you he does not. I understand that you told your friend about what the girl did in order to protect him. However since he took your help negatively, I feel you should not try to help him anymore, in case it makes matters worst. If I am caught in this situation, I'll be likely give my friend some time to cool down before telling him my reasons for letting him know about the rumours I heard. Hopefully this will resolve the misunderstanding.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Joyce that MY’s reaction suggests that he has feelings for SH. In this case, I do not think you should feel bad about what you have done since you did it with MY’s interests. However, through this episode, we can all learn that what a person considers right may not be so to another. So perhaps we can try to sound the other person out first before telling the person the truth? Right now, I think giving each other a cool down time can be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree with Jackson that a cool down time is imminent. As the saying goes,
ReplyDelete'only time will heal all wounds'. However, I feel that certain issues can never be forgotten. In your case, it might be disheartening to know that you have been betrayed by your close friend. It is ultimately up to you to be magnaminous and give him another chance if you cherish the friendship. Just remember at the back of your mind of his actions and be more cautious when you want to tell him something in the future.
I agree with Jackson that you have not done wrong for telling MY about what you knew. You do this because you concern about him and trust him. As it was not only involved MY but also SH in this case,it would be better if three of you could sit down and talk about this when all of you have calm down to make things clear.
ReplyDeleteAs Joyce said, relationship matters are very sensitive and only the brave go there. If MY is very keen on this girl, it is probably less painful to believe you are critical of her than that she is spreading rumours about him(MY). I think you acted in good faith and did nothing wrong so you should go to MY and tell him so. If he accepts this, proceed as normal but I would never mention the matter again.
ReplyDeleteMrs Richardson
Really thank you all so much for you advices which tell me what to do. A good news to tell you all is that I have just reconciled with MY 2 weeks ago.:) I have learn an important lesson after that incidence. I do cherish this relationship, so I don't think it's worth to let this matter to blow our years of friendship off. Like what Jackson said, I will be more cautious when I want to say something now and in the future. However now we are not as close as before, but I think it's a good experience for both of us to realize that no conflict is impossible to be solved if both are willing to talk to each other with an open heart.
ReplyDelete